To things that we could just hope for

i know i have this tendency to be playful at times and to test other people... I, as a Human Being have all these insecurities and trust issues that i know i have to face.... Right now, i am scared to lose somebody whom i know i would really want to be part of my future, somebody whom i love.... what i know is, i'm going to do everything so that i wont lose her...but then again, i would just continue hoping that everything that may go wrong don't ruin US....

When She said something Sweet...

She knows almost everything about my past, she trusts me and i trust her, i guess that's why i can't hide anything from her... Almost every night i ask Stef to tell me something sweet, last night i got really surprised by what she said:

"so. um. i know u think of me as your last? (wait do you?) i mean you think of us ending up together and all. we may or may not end up together. whatever will happen man. i'll try to make this work, aaaaaaaand if im not going too far as to saying, i'll try to be best you ever had, even though i have no idea how this shit works. hahaha i mean i cant even be sweet. yeah, and uve been hurt a lot. i dont want to put u through that. sooo yes, say that big AWWWWW or whatever "

How is this surprising? she's not that type of person who usually expresses what she feels, and by what she said, i know that she's with me in this relationship...

PS: I have to Thank Billy and Mark... if it wasn't because of them, i wouldn't have met this wonderful girl....

A Wee bit of Wisdom from Pmate

Now that i am in a relationship, i know that it would never be easy, trials may come along and problems that couples face may come up...

I talked to my friend abbey, she's one of those friends whom i talk to when i have problems or if i needed advice...i asked her things about relationships, because even though i have had 7 relationships from my past, i had this feeling that i knew nothing of a "REAL Relationship"...

First i asked her what she and her bf does when they miss each other and how they keep their relationship interesting... she told me that she gets irritated when the two of them just talk online, but when they are together she can't stay mad at him, she believes that its just a waste of time if they would just argue... as to how they keep their relationship interesting, they go to different places and try new things... and she also told me one more thing which really got me thinking... she told me that even if they are doing nothing, it was ok for them...

Next thing i asked her was if they talked about random stuff, and they did, anyway, she gave me an advice, one that i know i would not forget:

"wag nio i-pressure sarili nio it will come naturally eventually magiging comfortable din kayo tsaka the best part comes when you can do NOTHING together"

Translation : don't pressure yourselves, it will come naturally, eventually you'd be comfortable with each other and the best part comes when you can do NOTHING together"

I'm grateful that i have a friend like abbey, Thank you Pmate =)

Am just happy i'm with this incredible/awesome girlfriend of mine, who has done nothing but understand... thank you babe....

She's Gorgeous, i know =)

hahaha ok, she's got a new haircut...last night, stef wasn't able to go online, she didn't get to post this photo of her on her tumblr account, she told me she'd post it "First thing in the Morning", so... woke up at 7am i know its weird but i did...i waited for her, for a couple of hours...at 1:30 i received a text saying sorry because she woke up late and she posted the photo already... sounding uninterested, i told her to remove her post i would just see her new haircut when we see each other...

ok nie, sorry... hahahaha uhmm, nothing's wrong... i took a look at your photo before u took it down... Love yah... =)

Time to Think

Backed Off for 21 Hours

U

time

space

evaluation

realizations

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A Reminder to U

I don't mind telling you everyday that i miss you or that i love you... if it is the only way to remind you of those things, i would gladly tell those to you, everyday...

Quick Question

Do We Look Alike?

Just a Thought

Green means Clean,am i right?... so Thinking Green is also Thinking Clean?

Wrong way of Yawning... Lesson Learned

i promise myself starting this day forward, i would yawn correctly, if there is such thing as that....when i woke up this morning,i yawned and something snapped, i didn't know what, but something did, at least i think something did... now, my jaw muscles hurt... ok, just read about jaw muscle pains... How to relieve this pain? i would have to eat soft food, use ice packs,and avoid Wide Yawning... hahahah i'd have to be careful from now on and start yawning the right way... tsk3

A time for CHANGE...A time to Grow up

When i was 17 i received a card from some of my friends in our church, i was the youngest in our group so they called me "Bunso", i remember what was written in that card, it was "Grow up a Man, Enjoy Life like a Boy"... this simple reminder from my friends got stuck with me and i thank them for that... i guess i have gone a long way, from being somebody who is left behind to a person who is loved by somebody[you know who you are]....

Last night i wrote a very depressing entry, something that was me a long time ago...Stef, read that entry and sent me a message telling me that i am not a nobody, not for her...that meant a lot, knowing that i have somebody who believes in me...after that, i went on browsing through some photos in the web, and i saw this picture "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the Fuck On" i want to apply this to who i am right now...i think it would help, A lot.... i think this time, i should just stand up, face reality and just move on... i know i can do nothing about the situation that's why i should just be with the people who truly cares or give a damn....

Just a Thought

i have had 7 failed relationships...what i needed was somebody who understands me, i guess she was that somebody who truly does....

My Heart is Hurting...Failing

On my first day as a student of the Colegio, i remember i had subject on General Psychology, We were asked to draw an object that we think symbolizes ourselves, as individuals in this society... As a joke i drew a circle, colored it black and told them that I was a Dot... I am Dot...by definition it means a tiny round mark made by or as if by a pointed instrument; a spot or a point or portion of time at which something is ended; a completion or conclusion...

Truth is, i have no idea on what i'm writing... i am just a sad little fuck who really can't do anything, somebody whom nobody would ever listen to... maybe this is why i've been sleeping in this one corner of my bed, i am a Nobody...a person who is hurting from the inside and just slowly fading...

A CrappyPail Kid.

A CrappyPail Kid.

A Noon of Drinking and Writing

i told myself i was just going to write today.. my friend Clai tagged me on a post titled "Pseudo Drinking Sessions", after reading it, i went to our kitchen grabbed a bud, some nuts and i started drinking and writing...i kinda miss those times where me and my friends would just go out, have some alcohol and just share stories about problems in school, family, LOVE well, just about anything...

if i would retrace how i became friends with this people.... it all started with one person... DAVELYN AGUILAR....hahaha that person, is my wing man/woman, go figure....hahahaha you could say that we are partners in crime, we don't leave the school without one standing by the other, from our trip to trinoma for a first date with a "Lady", our trip with Vern in UP for a planner and our "TAMBAY" sessions at 7 eleven just waiting for our other friends to be dismissed in their class...from then on, i met them one by one from clai, jethro, irwin, billy,dee, jc, franz, tams and satti [i went to her birthday party, even though i was new to their group, Party crasher? yeah] hahaha... anyway, i guess i miss you guys... i just ran out of bud, til' next time... see you guys soon... =)

How does she do that?

Lately I've been having crappy mornings....been sleeping in the corner of my bed.... and depressed as hell...i don't really know if this is caused by boredom, problems or just the playlist i have when i go to sleep[ My playlist has Katty Perry on it, that Peacock song and i cant remove it :( ]...Ok, you may be wondering where i'm going with this writing.... In those crappy days where i am really paranoid or depressed, someone has helped me to get through with it, my girlfriend...just last night she asked me if i was ok... and no one has ever asked me that...i'm glad she did, because i felt like i was drowning in this crappy life of mine...this past few days it has always been like that, it starts crappy and after a conversation with her, i'm happy.... Now, how does she do that?

I am in a RELATIONSHIP, Yep, a RELATIONSHIP

I have come to this point in my life that i guess changed everything...a couple of years ago, i was that guy who never had any direction when it comes to LOVE... i was that guy who would tell u sweet things but would never do anything more than that... i was that guy who was only after a game of "Chase" and leave you hanging...

February 11, 2011... this was the date where i met this very Interesting person in our school... How i met her? i was telling everybody that she likes them....i know it's weird, but hey, i got her attention and her name...after that i looked her up on facebook, and we got into talking about so many stuff, the more interested i was in to her...almost every night i would wait for her to go online just so i could talk to her...this went on for weeks[she knew that i liked her, i made her say i like you too and i started writing love notes again], then i asked her to go out with me, on a post grad celebration but it was just my excuse for a movie date[March 28,monday]... after the movie,we ended up talking about things about ourselves, and i asked her to be my gf, she told me it was to soon...i guess it was ok that she told me that it was to soon... at least she was totally honest... On April 1, 2011 i decided to pull a prank on her because she was not replying and she was not online, told her that i got somebody pregnant and she was like... what? i replied with uhmm? ... she asked YOU? What? Explain? told her that was it, i got somebody pregnant, she immediately replied You're. Only. Telling. Me. Now?... clearly she was upset already, i decided to stop, was afraid that she might not talk to me after, i replied with an April fools greeting... hahaha she hates me for this....We went out again[April 4, monday], i gave her a note, by this time she already knows almost everything that i did in my past, including the "BUS"[she forced me tell it]....i was glad that i had the chance to be with her even if it was just for a very short time...April 6, she told me that she appreciates me being honest to her...to fast forward this, night after night we still talk for God knows how many hours, on the night of April 9, i asked her where our relationship is going, i asked her to think about it, and i gave her space...i wasn't able to help myself, a few days after that [April 11, 2011] i sent her a message telling her that i missed her, and that i cant not talk to her... this was the first day she told me that she missed me, without me forcing her...this was also that night where she was a bit down, told her that i would always be with her no matter what... April 12, when she was on her way home, we were texting, i asked her if when i tell my friends about her could i call her my gf, she replied " But. im not..yet. haha it'll be weird?".. i was like Awww =( then she replied again "No its just. Alright fine. Haha" a few texts after asking her to be my girlfriend, She finally said " Ahhh crap. Amp. Ok.Yes. Ok Amp. it was leading there anyway.. so Yes. Amp. just dnt broadcast it too much. Hahaha Crap. Holy crap." [she said YES, yeah, those are her words... hahaha]

Anyway, i still can't believe that she trusts me after knowing everything that I have done... i love her for that...Today, my life is not just my story, but rather OUR story....i could probably say that WE are in a RELATIONSHIP... and to be with her is what i really want and Nothing else...

I Love U, My Awesome Pill, My Zombie girl, My Princess, My Baby =)

Stephanie Atega =)

After a Year, A Blog Revisited

I can't believe that this account is still active... this account was made out of boredom while i was an intern back when i was in college... last march 25, i graduated from Letran with a degree on Communication Arts, and right now, i really have no idea on what to do... i guess i have to go back to that question on the previous entry,

"What's Next?"