Hmmm, How true? anybody?

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo’s problem becomes everyone’s problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun.. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word.. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything.. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only.

Music, Happenings and Everything around me

uhmmm so....alot of people say they can't live without music...well...for how many months now i've been living without it[i think]... and the only music i have heard was the ringback from one of our resource person...and hey try calling my phone, i also have her ringback...eerrrr hate it....

anyway, i borrowed my sisters' nano again, and every song that i put in her ipod was still there... flashbacks came back again...heavy feelings....sad ones.... it actually reminded me how sad i was before... flirting with one woman to another...and getting my heart broken over and over... was such a sad boy...i guess that changed the moment i met the person im with right now...stef... i stopped listening to music, day by day those times i've spent with her i became happier....

i was checking my phone awhile ago, saw this "Tu Risa" i forgot what it was...googled it....its by pablo neruda....silly me because i forgot i saved it on my phone because it reminded me of stef....

Quítame el pan, si quieres, quítame el aire, pero no me quites tu risa

Take the bread from me, if you want take the air from me, but do not take from me your laughter

No me quites la rosa, la lanza que desgranas, el agua que de pronto estalla en tu alegría, la repentina ola de plata que te nace.

Do not take away the rose, the lanceflower that you pluck, the water that suddenly bursts forth in your joy, the sudden wave of silver born in you.

Mi lucha es dura y vuelvo con los ojos cansados a veces de haber visto la tierra que no cambia, pero al entrar tu risa sube al cielo buscándome y abre para mí todas las puertas de la vida.

My struggle is harsh and I come back with eyes tired at times from having seen the unchanging earth, but when your laughter enters it rises to the sky seeking me and it opens for me all the doors of life.

Amor mío, en la hora más oscura desgrana tu risa, y si de pronto ves que mi sangre mancha las piedras de la calle, ríe, porque tu risa será para mis manos como una espada fresca.

My love, in the darkest hour your laughter opens, and if suddenly you see my blood staining the stones of the street, laugh, because your laughter will be for my hands like a fresh sword.

Junto al mar en otoño, tu risa debe alzar su cascada de espuma, y en primavera, amor, quiero tu risa como la flor que yo esperaba, la flor azul, la rosa de mi patria sonora.

Next to the sea in the autumn, your laughter must raise its foamy cascade, and in the spring, love, I want your laughter like the flower I was waiting for, the blue flower, the rose of my echoing country.

Ríete de la noche, del día, de la luna, ríete de las calles torcidas de la isla, ríete de este torpe muchacho que te quiere, pero cuando yo abro los ojos y los cierro, cuando mis pasos van, cuando vuelven mis pasos, niégame el pan, el aire, la luz, la primavera, pero tu risa nunca porque me moriría.

Laugh at the night, at the day, at the moon, laugh at the twisted streets of the island, laugh at this clumsy boy who loves you, but when I open my eyes and close them, when my steps go, when my steps return, deny me bread, air, light, spring, but never your laughter for I would die.

She is my Happiness...Every time i'm down...every time i think everything would fall apart...she has always reminded me i can do something Today and if today isn't enough, there's always tomorrow...and that everything would be ok....

What you learn, would get you somewhere

Had an awful start for my day...was late for an interview, bus stopped in the middle of the highway,uber traffic while i was on my way to work...yeah i know...BOOOOO!

anyway am not here to talk about the start of my day, we all know it wasn't everything that happened to me today....

3 things that make me happy:

1. Family

2. Stef

3. Children who says thank you

i'll get back to you on number 3 later... anyhoo, let me tell you something about my parents, they have this thing about helping people even if they had none, i had no idea why they help other people even if they dont have anything...i guess now i understand, awhile ago as i went down Magallanes station i got hungry, was craving for a donut, and sooo i saw this mister donut stand, bought a donut and saw something which really touched me in a way...saw this mother with her 2 children carrying plastic bottles, she bought a donut, just a piece....the boy pointed at a donut the mother couldn't buy it coz she had no money left as they were about to leave, i saw the boy staring at the donuts, i asked him have you eaten? "Kumain na ba kayo?" he replied ...not yet... long story short, with a few buck in my wallet i asked him to pick a donut for him and for her sister...handed to him the donuts, he smiled said thank you then went to her mother and sister to share the donuts...as i went down the stairs of the station, they were still there and i saw the boy still smiling, it was as if he was grateful...

now where do the parents thing come up?here it is...my parents always told me, and i'd remember it ALWAYS " Bin Magshare ka naman, sayo naman yan eh" or there were times that they had problems financially because they gave help to somebody and they'd get by just fine, happy, content even...they taught me how to give or to share something that other people may not have..they taught me why it is important to help and be selfless even at times that you yourself has none...

sorry for being mushy and all, but maybe it wasn't just giving something, by giving you are also sharing or you're letting people who have less have a breather of some sort...by giving, they would have hope,they'd know everything would be alright...

From 6 to forever..

6th month...well we're not really counting but am really proud we've come this far...

like i said before wasn't that guy who stays in a relationship, but in this one, it's different

i'm contented and genuinely happy...

you see, i still long for her kisses, her hugs and her sweet words...yeah i know her, but every time she says something, i feel happy...don't ask me why, i just do...

am not wishing, but am truly hoping...to be able to hold your hand, to be beside you no matter what and to see your smile to know you are truly happy with me may it be today, tomorrow and beyond :)

Please?

a bit busy on work, that's why i haven't had the chance to blog after how many months..

now im back...

i made a promise that if i get a job i would do it the best way that i can...so far it has gone smoothly...i think....anyway...i guess i'm just stressed because i've been busy these past few weeks and i haven't really had a chance to go out on a date with my munchkin, my love --->; stef....

stef.....

would you go out with me?

Stef, Loser, I Love You... :)

Mine and Completely Hers

ok, i am still happy with her sweet message last night... it was so sweet that she sent me the message at 11 or 12 and i slept at 2 am....i cant text her tonight but this blog would serve as my medium for my sweet words.....

tomorrow would be our 3rd month, and i just want to say that i am happy... that i am with you and you are with me... that i could call you mine(well not literally), but having that thought, that i am with this girl who is disturbingly and utterly understanding and weird.... an awesome girlfriend who prefers weird rather than the ordinary....3 months, things have changed, but we are still scared to lose one another.... and before i forget...

I LOVE YOU STEPHANIE ATEGA... :)

A HUGE Status Change... :)

last night my girlfriend accepted a request on facebook from me....what request? a relationship status request that i sent 2 months ago....i really think this is something huge...she's that person who really likes her privacy, and a change on our relationship stat on facebook really surprised me....i ask again....how does she do that? surprises me every time....tsk...hahahha am just really happy :)

When Something AMAZING was gone...

Somehow i still feel guilty we were not able to deliver the video for that day...i dunno why, i just do... i sent a message apologizing to the owner of the company but there was no reply, guess he was just pissed or upset, really don't know... no one was to blame for this but me, i should have alloted more time for the video to be edited much sooner...and i should have checked if everything was ok....pft...Failure....Again....

Wondering: i know i learned something from this experience...and i know i could plan... i know my potential and the capabilities of who i'm with....but, what to do NOW?wasted time and still nothing, would i go back to that place?tsk...O_o

A Change: From Happiness to Loving

We started as strangers, Seriously, we did... i teased the hell out of her the first time i met her....2 months after saying yes to me, a lot has changed...i was reading the messages she sent to me the past few months.... from those depressing moments to all those Uber Wacky moments, stef has changed, but still she is AWESOME as ever.... our first few weeks, there were full of "What if's?" and i miss you, and there was this one time where she got paranoid and got embarassed and told me that someday she would get her revenge[But again and again, she can't] hahaha....a few more weeks after, she said the L word, Loser and I Love you[with "Crap" after saying it hahahaha], and we had to comfort each other having fears that one would leave the other.

After a month we started teasing each other like kids and we had this thing every night that we have to say something sweet before going to bed...Sweet Words...she started with some really comforting words telling me about the small things she enjoy when she's with me, but as time went by, she changed...her words got even sweeter...and it became more expressive of what she felt or feels...from happiness to loving...i still hope that i could make her smile, feel loved and be happy all the time...because this is how she makes me feel :)

Life can really have a funny way of telling you that everything would be ok.....its called Karma

Yesterday was Philippine Independence day,and Stef and i celebrated our 2nd month being together...this day was really fun and a bit interesting... Why? because after our "date",after accompanying stef home, i rode a jeepney back to Manila as i always do, when i paid the fare with a 50 peso bill, the change was only 28. it was unusual because i only pay around 18 to 20 pesos...i asked the driver if the change was right, he told me that it was[this is what's annoying with this drivers, they won't give you the right change], by the way he was also smoking, this is against Republic Act 9211... ok the interesting part came when 3 deaf people went down to quiapo and they didn't pay the fare, and the driver got pissed then kept on shouting at them...i didn't want to be mean but it think that was what they call a Digital Karma....

I arrived in our village at around 12 pm, and i saw a dead rat lying on the street, it was a very big one.... it made me wonder "Was the rat too extreme and adventurous?or was it just karma that killed him/her? "

The WHY?

i just finished the last episode of greek, a Tv series from ABC....one of the characters (Cappie) actually graduated in the last episode of the series, but before he graduated he had to answer one question for his finals on Philosophy, the question was "Why?"

I've been asking myself that question and it is really hard to answer, try answering that one question, you'll know what i mean...

Why?... in Life, why i'm here?i'm not sure of my purpose, but from my perspective ,i live because i want to know things, experience them[not people,ok?][insert pervert laugh here], i want to go places,i live because i am with people who needs me, i need to protect my family, my friends and everyone who's important to me and lastly, i have this need to be with people whom i care about ....

Why? In Choices/Decisions,why i made those stupid decisions?i believe that in order to learn we must experience things directly, with that we continue to hurt when we learn things...i've made a lot of mistakes, it hurts, but i learned...

Why?...In Love?

A Confession of Love to My Kind of Kryptonite

{Our Retard Photo}

We are both scared of the things or events that may come, never realizing that we have a NOW, a present, a tiny piece of time in this life of ours... We may ask ourselves our Purpose in life, You with touching somebody's life and me still trying to figure it out...The time that we spent together, Our "Sabaw" Moments, those Very emotional and depressing nights, this night were i bit your arms and you punched mine, this night where i hugged you and you hugged me back, this night where u laughed because of my gestures and my expressions, this night where we spent our time together doing nothing but tease each other and finally this is also the night of our first month, a start of something that both of us are hoping to last...

We are far from perfect, but we are crazy enough to be with each other, and i think that is enough for us to last together...

Thank you babe for this First, I Love You So Much... :)

Dreams

I woke up feeling crappy today... i just felt like something's wrong, i don't really know what it was...eating spaghetti for two straight days,and i'm now writing about my dreams...

Again i had a weird dream, one was about a reunion, one where i was bullied and the last one was trying to find something in the Pier area...just like any other dreams, it was very vague and i'm not sure what it meant.... pft...Fail....

To things that we could just hope for

i know i have this tendency to be playful at times and to test other people... I, as a Human Being have all these insecurities and trust issues that i know i have to face.... Right now, i am scared to lose somebody whom i know i would really want to be part of my future, somebody whom i love.... what i know is, i'm going to do everything so that i wont lose her...but then again, i would just continue hoping that everything that may go wrong don't ruin US....

When She said something Sweet...

She knows almost everything about my past, she trusts me and i trust her, i guess that's why i can't hide anything from her... Almost every night i ask Stef to tell me something sweet, last night i got really surprised by what she said:

"so. um. i know u think of me as your last? (wait do you?) i mean you think of us ending up together and all. we may or may not end up together. whatever will happen man. i'll try to make this work, aaaaaaaand if im not going too far as to saying, i'll try to be best you ever had, even though i have no idea how this shit works. hahaha i mean i cant even be sweet. yeah, and uve been hurt a lot. i dont want to put u through that. sooo yes, say that big AWWWWW or whatever "

How is this surprising? she's not that type of person who usually expresses what she feels, and by what she said, i know that she's with me in this relationship...

PS: I have to Thank Billy and Mark... if it wasn't because of them, i wouldn't have met this wonderful girl....

A Wee bit of Wisdom from Pmate

Now that i am in a relationship, i know that it would never be easy, trials may come along and problems that couples face may come up...

I talked to my friend abbey, she's one of those friends whom i talk to when i have problems or if i needed advice...i asked her things about relationships, because even though i have had 7 relationships from my past, i had this feeling that i knew nothing of a "REAL Relationship"...

First i asked her what she and her bf does when they miss each other and how they keep their relationship interesting... she told me that she gets irritated when the two of them just talk online, but when they are together she can't stay mad at him, she believes that its just a waste of time if they would just argue... as to how they keep their relationship interesting, they go to different places and try new things... and she also told me one more thing which really got me thinking... she told me that even if they are doing nothing, it was ok for them...

Next thing i asked her was if they talked about random stuff, and they did, anyway, she gave me an advice, one that i know i would not forget:

"wag nio i-pressure sarili nio it will come naturally eventually magiging comfortable din kayo tsaka the best part comes when you can do NOTHING together"

Translation : don't pressure yourselves, it will come naturally, eventually you'd be comfortable with each other and the best part comes when you can do NOTHING together"

I'm grateful that i have a friend like abbey, Thank you Pmate =)

Am just happy i'm with this incredible/awesome girlfriend of mine, who has done nothing but understand... thank you babe....

She's Gorgeous, i know =)

hahaha ok, she's got a new haircut...last night, stef wasn't able to go online, she didn't get to post this photo of her on her tumblr account, she told me she'd post it "First thing in the Morning", so... woke up at 7am i know its weird but i did...i waited for her, for a couple of hours...at 1:30 i received a text saying sorry because she woke up late and she posted the photo already... sounding uninterested, i told her to remove her post i would just see her new haircut when we see each other...

ok nie, sorry... hahahaha uhmm, nothing's wrong... i took a look at your photo before u took it down... Love yah... =)

Time to Think

Backed Off for 21 Hours

U

time

space

evaluation

realizations

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A Reminder to U

I don't mind telling you everyday that i miss you or that i love you... if it is the only way to remind you of those things, i would gladly tell those to you, everyday...

Quick Question

Do We Look Alike?

Just a Thought

Green means Clean,am i right?... so Thinking Green is also Thinking Clean?

Wrong way of Yawning... Lesson Learned

i promise myself starting this day forward, i would yawn correctly, if there is such thing as that....when i woke up this morning,i yawned and something snapped, i didn't know what, but something did, at least i think something did... now, my jaw muscles hurt... ok, just read about jaw muscle pains... How to relieve this pain? i would have to eat soft food, use ice packs,and avoid Wide Yawning... hahahah i'd have to be careful from now on and start yawning the right way... tsk3

A time for CHANGE...A time to Grow up

When i was 17 i received a card from some of my friends in our church, i was the youngest in our group so they called me "Bunso", i remember what was written in that card, it was "Grow up a Man, Enjoy Life like a Boy"... this simple reminder from my friends got stuck with me and i thank them for that... i guess i have gone a long way, from being somebody who is left behind to a person who is loved by somebody[you know who you are]....

Last night i wrote a very depressing entry, something that was me a long time ago...Stef, read that entry and sent me a message telling me that i am not a nobody, not for her...that meant a lot, knowing that i have somebody who believes in me...after that, i went on browsing through some photos in the web, and i saw this picture "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the Fuck On" i want to apply this to who i am right now...i think it would help, A lot.... i think this time, i should just stand up, face reality and just move on... i know i can do nothing about the situation that's why i should just be with the people who truly cares or give a damn....

Just a Thought

i have had 7 failed relationships...what i needed was somebody who understands me, i guess she was that somebody who truly does....

My Heart is Hurting...Failing

On my first day as a student of the Colegio, i remember i had subject on General Psychology, We were asked to draw an object that we think symbolizes ourselves, as individuals in this society... As a joke i drew a circle, colored it black and told them that I was a Dot... I am Dot...by definition it means a tiny round mark made by or as if by a pointed instrument; a spot or a point or portion of time at which something is ended; a completion or conclusion...

Truth is, i have no idea on what i'm writing... i am just a sad little fuck who really can't do anything, somebody whom nobody would ever listen to... maybe this is why i've been sleeping in this one corner of my bed, i am a Nobody...a person who is hurting from the inside and just slowly fading...

A CrappyPail Kid.

A CrappyPail Kid.

A Noon of Drinking and Writing

i told myself i was just going to write today.. my friend Clai tagged me on a post titled "Pseudo Drinking Sessions", after reading it, i went to our kitchen grabbed a bud, some nuts and i started drinking and writing...i kinda miss those times where me and my friends would just go out, have some alcohol and just share stories about problems in school, family, LOVE well, just about anything...

if i would retrace how i became friends with this people.... it all started with one person... DAVELYN AGUILAR....hahaha that person, is my wing man/woman, go figure....hahahaha you could say that we are partners in crime, we don't leave the school without one standing by the other, from our trip to trinoma for a first date with a "Lady", our trip with Vern in UP for a planner and our "TAMBAY" sessions at 7 eleven just waiting for our other friends to be dismissed in their class...from then on, i met them one by one from clai, jethro, irwin, billy,dee, jc, franz, tams and satti [i went to her birthday party, even though i was new to their group, Party crasher? yeah] hahaha... anyway, i guess i miss you guys... i just ran out of bud, til' next time... see you guys soon... =)

How does she do that?

Lately I've been having crappy mornings....been sleeping in the corner of my bed.... and depressed as hell...i don't really know if this is caused by boredom, problems or just the playlist i have when i go to sleep[ My playlist has Katty Perry on it, that Peacock song and i cant remove it :( ]...Ok, you may be wondering where i'm going with this writing.... In those crappy days where i am really paranoid or depressed, someone has helped me to get through with it, my girlfriend...just last night she asked me if i was ok... and no one has ever asked me that...i'm glad she did, because i felt like i was drowning in this crappy life of mine...this past few days it has always been like that, it starts crappy and after a conversation with her, i'm happy.... Now, how does she do that?

I am in a RELATIONSHIP, Yep, a RELATIONSHIP

I have come to this point in my life that i guess changed everything...a couple of years ago, i was that guy who never had any direction when it comes to LOVE... i was that guy who would tell u sweet things but would never do anything more than that... i was that guy who was only after a game of "Chase" and leave you hanging...

February 11, 2011... this was the date where i met this very Interesting person in our school... How i met her? i was telling everybody that she likes them....i know it's weird, but hey, i got her attention and her name...after that i looked her up on facebook, and we got into talking about so many stuff, the more interested i was in to her...almost every night i would wait for her to go online just so i could talk to her...this went on for weeks[she knew that i liked her, i made her say i like you too and i started writing love notes again], then i asked her to go out with me, on a post grad celebration but it was just my excuse for a movie date[March 28,monday]... after the movie,we ended up talking about things about ourselves, and i asked her to be my gf, she told me it was to soon...i guess it was ok that she told me that it was to soon... at least she was totally honest... On April 1, 2011 i decided to pull a prank on her because she was not replying and she was not online, told her that i got somebody pregnant and she was like... what? i replied with uhmm? ... she asked YOU? What? Explain? told her that was it, i got somebody pregnant, she immediately replied You're. Only. Telling. Me. Now?... clearly she was upset already, i decided to stop, was afraid that she might not talk to me after, i replied with an April fools greeting... hahaha she hates me for this....We went out again[April 4, monday], i gave her a note, by this time she already knows almost everything that i did in my past, including the "BUS"[she forced me tell it]....i was glad that i had the chance to be with her even if it was just for a very short time...April 6, she told me that she appreciates me being honest to her...to fast forward this, night after night we still talk for God knows how many hours, on the night of April 9, i asked her where our relationship is going, i asked her to think about it, and i gave her space...i wasn't able to help myself, a few days after that [April 11, 2011] i sent her a message telling her that i missed her, and that i cant not talk to her... this was the first day she told me that she missed me, without me forcing her...this was also that night where she was a bit down, told her that i would always be with her no matter what... April 12, when she was on her way home, we were texting, i asked her if when i tell my friends about her could i call her my gf, she replied " But. im not..yet. haha it'll be weird?".. i was like Awww =( then she replied again "No its just. Alright fine. Haha" a few texts after asking her to be my girlfriend, She finally said " Ahhh crap. Amp. Ok.Yes. Ok Amp. it was leading there anyway.. so Yes. Amp. just dnt broadcast it too much. Hahaha Crap. Holy crap." [she said YES, yeah, those are her words... hahaha]

Anyway, i still can't believe that she trusts me after knowing everything that I have done... i love her for that...Today, my life is not just my story, but rather OUR story....i could probably say that WE are in a RELATIONSHIP... and to be with her is what i really want and Nothing else...

I Love U, My Awesome Pill, My Zombie girl, My Princess, My Baby =)

Stephanie Atega =)

After a Year, A Blog Revisited

I can't believe that this account is still active... this account was made out of boredom while i was an intern back when i was in college... last march 25, i graduated from Letran with a degree on Communication Arts, and right now, i really have no idea on what to do... i guess i have to go back to that question on the previous entry,

"What's Next?"