To U

There are memories you hold on to, things you may have lost and loved. They stay in your head and some of those memories turn in to your greatest fantasies. 

I lost your love a year ago, but my memories of you still linger. From the moment i met you in the lobby,the white rose, that moment you said yes, the first kiss, our first sleep over, the letters, each and every moment you smiled and held my hand. I keep them, even your goodbye.

You told me that i deserved the best, to be happy. But to tell you the truth, i was happy and i never felt like i needed the best when i had something better. I had you.   

The distance may have ruined us, and i may never get you back. I just hope you know that i would always love you and you would always be the greatest memory/ fantasy for me.

25 Years of a Selfish Photo Guy

I take pictures. A lot of pictures.

I just turned 25 and i am thankful for everything and everyone who stayed with me through my shit phase and depressing state.

Again I take pictures. Let me tell you why....

I love people. I love observing them interact, have conversations, laugh, cry, and see their emotions. i dont mind if you don't talk to me, i'd be happy just to be there, to see people. to capture your moment. by the way I'm a ninja.

I am selfish. I take pictures not to show you. I take pictures because i forget and i know that i will forget.

That is my fear. To Forget.

I've seen it. People forgetting loved ones. I don't want to forget. Memories are important to me.
With every click of my old camera, i wouldn't forget. So if i capture you, please don't be mad.
It's my way of saying I Value You. Through good photos or bad, i would treasure you.

People come on and go, but your memories would stay with me...  take a glimpse... here are some of you... Family.... Friends... I say Thank you. Thank you for making life interesting. For being subjects to what i see.


25 years and i am Half Way 50, It's ok... I'm Older, I am Happier.

Ze Friend zone ( the experience of le boy who got really lost)

so they say there are many guys stuck in the "friendzone"..... I have experienced being the friend,i am not saying i'm an expert but believe me i've been a friend or THE FRIEND for sooooo many girls. But i guess we really just have to wait for the right time and for the right girl.

it is now that i realize, i am happy that i got rejected in the past, why? i learned my lesson not to push yourself to anyone who doesn't like/love you, like what other people say, Love works both ways, if it is just you then that ain't love...when i look at my past, it has always been about so many rejections from different girls, i was a sad person back then thinking there'd be no girl who could possibly love me...

before i graduated from college i met stef, check my other post to know our story... anyway, she came in my life where i badly needed a change, a huge change...and there she was, just smiling when we first met... she was that girl whom i know i would not try hurt... she didn't put me in the friendzone, she loved me like i meant the world to her.... the loved...its just a really good feeling :)

*on other note, it's just sad, back then you treat girls like a princess and now those other girls who have rejected you are treated by other men like a nobody...deym O_o

1,10,11,12

-1-

Yesterday marked our 1 year of knowing each other, i think and believe that it is very important that you keep this day in mind (Always).....I think you guys know the story already, that day where i teased her with every guy/woman that passes by the registration booth...yada yada....anyway if you dont know the story please check my other entries, its in there......

-10-

10 months, since she said yes....another important day....and a day filled with surprises....had a game of basketball, right after i went to her house to pick her up for our "date"....we passed by this barangay hall, and she was surprised that people were singing at her back, when she turned around, UP Ictus serenaded (a First) her with "Baby" by JB and "Better Together" by Jack johnson.....after that we went to MOA and watched Chronicle ( hmmmm first movie that we watched for this year that didn't suck) hehehehe by the way, we watched this on Director Cut cinema(another first), which only housed a few people, by a few i mean really just few...we went home after

-11-

Date when she said yes....with crap :))))

-12-

Adspeak 12, did i mention we met in this event? important event for us both....i went to school the other day...just to give her white roses....awhile ago she asked me why i still give her white roses, here's why my love......there are many flowers out there, there are flowers much prettier than a rose, but a rose is special (excelance remember?) and i had to give it to you again...this time the petals are complete.... :))

I Love You my Honey Munchkin Piggy Labidabs ;))

Oi, walang iyakan ah!

A Happy Photo of friends (kahit kulang), where everyone is smiling and just being crazy.... A photo of a person going away...not a dying friend but someone who's going away to another place...well obviously not heaven but to another country....

gawd i feel shitty when someone leaves, i guess di parin ako sanay...marami nang nagpaalam na sila'y aalis, pero bat ganun? ampupu lang ng pakiramdam na aalis ang kaibigan mo/ o ang mga kaibigan mo...

Di ako dapat malungkot dahil makakabuti yun sa kanya, pero siguro nakakalungkot lang isipin na kahit na may mga paraan kung san pwede mo pa syang makausap eh mamimiss mo yung mga pagkakataon na kayo'y nagkikita kita, nagaasaran at kantiyawan.... yung mga tipong kulang ang grupo dahil mawawalan ng isang taong maputi (ubod ng puti).... hindi ito permanente at alam kong babalik ka... pero sana malaman mo lang na kahit gano kalayo man ang puntahan mo siguradong may babalikan kang mga kaibigan dito, na mayayaya mong uminom ( ng kape man o beer) mga kaibigan na pwede mong laitin (joke, wag) (seryoso wag), mga kaibigan na magpapasaya sayo at magpapakabag sa tiyan mo kakatawa at mga kaibigan mo na dadamayan ka sa kahit anong problema.... Sats, walang paalam, alam naming babalik.... kaya cheers! ingat sa byahe!

Hmmm, How true? anybody?

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo’s problem becomes everyone’s problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun.. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word.. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything.. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only.

Music, Happenings and Everything around me

uhmmm so....alot of people say they can't live without music...well...for how many months now i've been living without it[i think]... and the only music i have heard was the ringback from one of our resource person...and hey try calling my phone, i also have her ringback...eerrrr hate it....

anyway, i borrowed my sisters' nano again, and every song that i put in her ipod was still there... flashbacks came back again...heavy feelings....sad ones.... it actually reminded me how sad i was before... flirting with one woman to another...and getting my heart broken over and over... was such a sad boy...i guess that changed the moment i met the person im with right now...stef... i stopped listening to music, day by day those times i've spent with her i became happier....

i was checking my phone awhile ago, saw this "Tu Risa" i forgot what it was...googled it....its by pablo neruda....silly me because i forgot i saved it on my phone because it reminded me of stef....

Quítame el pan, si quieres, quítame el aire, pero no me quites tu risa

Take the bread from me, if you want take the air from me, but do not take from me your laughter

No me quites la rosa, la lanza que desgranas, el agua que de pronto estalla en tu alegría, la repentina ola de plata que te nace.

Do not take away the rose, the lanceflower that you pluck, the water that suddenly bursts forth in your joy, the sudden wave of silver born in you.

Mi lucha es dura y vuelvo con los ojos cansados a veces de haber visto la tierra que no cambia, pero al entrar tu risa sube al cielo buscándome y abre para mí todas las puertas de la vida.

My struggle is harsh and I come back with eyes tired at times from having seen the unchanging earth, but when your laughter enters it rises to the sky seeking me and it opens for me all the doors of life.

Amor mío, en la hora más oscura desgrana tu risa, y si de pronto ves que mi sangre mancha las piedras de la calle, ríe, porque tu risa será para mis manos como una espada fresca.

My love, in the darkest hour your laughter opens, and if suddenly you see my blood staining the stones of the street, laugh, because your laughter will be for my hands like a fresh sword.

Junto al mar en otoño, tu risa debe alzar su cascada de espuma, y en primavera, amor, quiero tu risa como la flor que yo esperaba, la flor azul, la rosa de mi patria sonora.

Next to the sea in the autumn, your laughter must raise its foamy cascade, and in the spring, love, I want your laughter like the flower I was waiting for, the blue flower, the rose of my echoing country.

Ríete de la noche, del día, de la luna, ríete de las calles torcidas de la isla, ríete de este torpe muchacho que te quiere, pero cuando yo abro los ojos y los cierro, cuando mis pasos van, cuando vuelven mis pasos, niégame el pan, el aire, la luz, la primavera, pero tu risa nunca porque me moriría.

Laugh at the night, at the day, at the moon, laugh at the twisted streets of the island, laugh at this clumsy boy who loves you, but when I open my eyes and close them, when my steps go, when my steps return, deny me bread, air, light, spring, but never your laughter for I would die.

She is my Happiness...Every time i'm down...every time i think everything would fall apart...she has always reminded me i can do something Today and if today isn't enough, there's always tomorrow...and that everything would be ok....

What you learn, would get you somewhere

Had an awful start for my day...was late for an interview, bus stopped in the middle of the highway,uber traffic while i was on my way to work...yeah i know...BOOOOO!

anyway am not here to talk about the start of my day, we all know it wasn't everything that happened to me today....

3 things that make me happy:

1. Family

2. Stef

3. Children who says thank you

i'll get back to you on number 3 later... anyhoo, let me tell you something about my parents, they have this thing about helping people even if they had none, i had no idea why they help other people even if they dont have anything...i guess now i understand, awhile ago as i went down Magallanes station i got hungry, was craving for a donut, and sooo i saw this mister donut stand, bought a donut and saw something which really touched me in a way...saw this mother with her 2 children carrying plastic bottles, she bought a donut, just a piece....the boy pointed at a donut the mother couldn't buy it coz she had no money left as they were about to leave, i saw the boy staring at the donuts, i asked him have you eaten? "Kumain na ba kayo?" he replied ...not yet... long story short, with a few buck in my wallet i asked him to pick a donut for him and for her sister...handed to him the donuts, he smiled said thank you then went to her mother and sister to share the donuts...as i went down the stairs of the station, they were still there and i saw the boy still smiling, it was as if he was grateful...

now where do the parents thing come up?here it is...my parents always told me, and i'd remember it ALWAYS " Bin Magshare ka naman, sayo naman yan eh" or there were times that they had problems financially because they gave help to somebody and they'd get by just fine, happy, content even...they taught me how to give or to share something that other people may not have..they taught me why it is important to help and be selfless even at times that you yourself has none...

sorry for being mushy and all, but maybe it wasn't just giving something, by giving you are also sharing or you're letting people who have less have a breather of some sort...by giving, they would have hope,they'd know everything would be alright...

From 6 to forever..

6th month...well we're not really counting but am really proud we've come this far...

like i said before wasn't that guy who stays in a relationship, but in this one, it's different

i'm contented and genuinely happy...

you see, i still long for her kisses, her hugs and her sweet words...yeah i know her, but every time she says something, i feel happy...don't ask me why, i just do...

am not wishing, but am truly hoping...to be able to hold your hand, to be beside you no matter what and to see your smile to know you are truly happy with me may it be today, tomorrow and beyond :)

Please?

a bit busy on work, that's why i haven't had the chance to blog after how many months..

now im back...

i made a promise that if i get a job i would do it the best way that i can...so far it has gone smoothly...i think....anyway...i guess i'm just stressed because i've been busy these past few weeks and i haven't really had a chance to go out on a date with my munchkin, my love --->; stef....

stef.....

would you go out with me?

Stef, Loser, I Love You... :)

Mine and Completely Hers

ok, i am still happy with her sweet message last night... it was so sweet that she sent me the message at 11 or 12 and i slept at 2 am....i cant text her tonight but this blog would serve as my medium for my sweet words.....

tomorrow would be our 3rd month, and i just want to say that i am happy... that i am with you and you are with me... that i could call you mine(well not literally), but having that thought, that i am with this girl who is disturbingly and utterly understanding and weird.... an awesome girlfriend who prefers weird rather than the ordinary....3 months, things have changed, but we are still scared to lose one another.... and before i forget...

I LOVE YOU STEPHANIE ATEGA... :)

A HUGE Status Change... :)

last night my girlfriend accepted a request on facebook from me....what request? a relationship status request that i sent 2 months ago....i really think this is something huge...she's that person who really likes her privacy, and a change on our relationship stat on facebook really surprised me....i ask again....how does she do that? surprises me every time....tsk...hahahha am just really happy :)

When Something AMAZING was gone...

Somehow i still feel guilty we were not able to deliver the video for that day...i dunno why, i just do... i sent a message apologizing to the owner of the company but there was no reply, guess he was just pissed or upset, really don't know... no one was to blame for this but me, i should have alloted more time for the video to be edited much sooner...and i should have checked if everything was ok....pft...Failure....Again....

Wondering: i know i learned something from this experience...and i know i could plan... i know my potential and the capabilities of who i'm with....but, what to do NOW?wasted time and still nothing, would i go back to that place?tsk...O_o

A Change: From Happiness to Loving

We started as strangers, Seriously, we did... i teased the hell out of her the first time i met her....2 months after saying yes to me, a lot has changed...i was reading the messages she sent to me the past few months.... from those depressing moments to all those Uber Wacky moments, stef has changed, but still she is AWESOME as ever.... our first few weeks, there were full of "What if's?" and i miss you, and there was this one time where she got paranoid and got embarassed and told me that someday she would get her revenge[But again and again, she can't] hahaha....a few more weeks after, she said the L word, Loser and I Love you[with "Crap" after saying it hahahaha], and we had to comfort each other having fears that one would leave the other.

After a month we started teasing each other like kids and we had this thing every night that we have to say something sweet before going to bed...Sweet Words...she started with some really comforting words telling me about the small things she enjoy when she's with me, but as time went by, she changed...her words got even sweeter...and it became more expressive of what she felt or feels...from happiness to loving...i still hope that i could make her smile, feel loved and be happy all the time...because this is how she makes me feel :)

Life can really have a funny way of telling you that everything would be ok.....its called Karma

Yesterday was Philippine Independence day,and Stef and i celebrated our 2nd month being together...this day was really fun and a bit interesting... Why? because after our "date",after accompanying stef home, i rode a jeepney back to Manila as i always do, when i paid the fare with a 50 peso bill, the change was only 28. it was unusual because i only pay around 18 to 20 pesos...i asked the driver if the change was right, he told me that it was[this is what's annoying with this drivers, they won't give you the right change], by the way he was also smoking, this is against Republic Act 9211... ok the interesting part came when 3 deaf people went down to quiapo and they didn't pay the fare, and the driver got pissed then kept on shouting at them...i didn't want to be mean but it think that was what they call a Digital Karma....

I arrived in our village at around 12 pm, and i saw a dead rat lying on the street, it was a very big one.... it made me wonder "Was the rat too extreme and adventurous?or was it just karma that killed him/her? "

The WHY?

i just finished the last episode of greek, a Tv series from ABC....one of the characters (Cappie) actually graduated in the last episode of the series, but before he graduated he had to answer one question for his finals on Philosophy, the question was "Why?"

I've been asking myself that question and it is really hard to answer, try answering that one question, you'll know what i mean...

Why?... in Life, why i'm here?i'm not sure of my purpose, but from my perspective ,i live because i want to know things, experience them[not people,ok?][insert pervert laugh here], i want to go places,i live because i am with people who needs me, i need to protect my family, my friends and everyone who's important to me and lastly, i have this need to be with people whom i care about ....

Why? In Choices/Decisions,why i made those stupid decisions?i believe that in order to learn we must experience things directly, with that we continue to hurt when we learn things...i've made a lot of mistakes, it hurts, but i learned...

Why?...In Love?

A Confession of Love to My Kind of Kryptonite

{Our Retard Photo}

We are both scared of the things or events that may come, never realizing that we have a NOW, a present, a tiny piece of time in this life of ours... We may ask ourselves our Purpose in life, You with touching somebody's life and me still trying to figure it out...The time that we spent together, Our "Sabaw" Moments, those Very emotional and depressing nights, this night were i bit your arms and you punched mine, this night where i hugged you and you hugged me back, this night where u laughed because of my gestures and my expressions, this night where we spent our time together doing nothing but tease each other and finally this is also the night of our first month, a start of something that both of us are hoping to last...

We are far from perfect, but we are crazy enough to be with each other, and i think that is enough for us to last together...

Thank you babe for this First, I Love You So Much... :)

Dreams

I woke up feeling crappy today... i just felt like something's wrong, i don't really know what it was...eating spaghetti for two straight days,and i'm now writing about my dreams...

Again i had a weird dream, one was about a reunion, one where i was bullied and the last one was trying to find something in the Pier area...just like any other dreams, it was very vague and i'm not sure what it meant.... pft...Fail....

To things that we could just hope for

i know i have this tendency to be playful at times and to test other people... I, as a Human Being have all these insecurities and trust issues that i know i have to face.... Right now, i am scared to lose somebody whom i know i would really want to be part of my future, somebody whom i love.... what i know is, i'm going to do everything so that i wont lose her...but then again, i would just continue hoping that everything that may go wrong don't ruin US....